Well, this first month has been crazy....very crazy indeed. From going off on my boss at work for micro-managing me to turning around and making the decision to leave my current situations alone, I have not only done alot these past 30 days, i have learned alot also. School is almost done for this quarter...didn't do so well but i passed and I guess I can be happy about that. School is difficult sometimes to prioritize but I know that I need to graduate, so that helps keep me going even when not doing so well.
Well its almost Christmas and honestly I haven't been a holiday person most of my life, but as I said I'm trying to begin a new outlook on life and focusing on the negative or the things that you don't like about it makes it worse, so I'm pulling myself up. Oh, also decided to change how I speak about things. I had a bad habit of speaking negatively about situations where it always made me carry the burden of the bullshit. For example, if I met a guy who wasted my time, I would say that he wasted MY time, and it would piss me off for the longest because I felt like I had been cheated out of something. But instead now I will say that HE has wasted HIS time. Simple as it seems, it makes me feel better when i say it that way because it has nothing to do with me.
I'm really trying to move in the right direction with my life, and with this year on its way out and my bday arriving in less than 30 days, I believe its a good time for me to make a change. So in 2 more days my first month will have ended (but it feels more like its been a year already) and I will be on month number 2. I'm excited and scared because it truly feels like I'm on the edge of something and having to get ready for a change.
You know when you decide to grow up and do things differently you almost have to questions why you are where you are. I looked around me today and saw that I am very comfortable with the life that I am currently leading but I'm not satisfied with the life that I am leading and that is a big difference. Are the things that are making me comfortable in reality a secret hindrance to my true calling and goals? In order for me to grow I will have to step away from the cushion that is around me, and honestly that is scary. It feels scary. Am i ready to move away and trust that I can do it all on my own? Am I ready for a promotion with more responsibility or do I want to stay in my flexible position where I have freedom but no satisfaction?
There is a part of me that yells that I am 35 yrs old and should have this down by now, and that honestly doesn't help because sometimes it makes me freeze.
The bottom line is I need to figure some things out and get on it now and not later. My clock is ticking
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