Man, Christmas is over!!! No I'm not a holiday person at all, and trust me after this year I'm truly glad its over with. Spent the day with my mom and daughter, it was okay. Yes, it was the family turmoil because unfortunately we were split. Majority of the family was over a friends house, I spoke to my cousin a couple of times because he wanted to see me, but I was not going to abandon my mom because of the unnecessary riff.
Ready for a new day, not necessarily a new year, but just ready to wake up to something different. It has taken alot out of me to take this step for newness, and its difficult to discover these things about myself. You go through life thinking that you are all together and doing just fine, and then one day, it drops on you.....you're as screwed up as the next person. I've realized that I'm selfish, insecure in alot of ways and a little bit depressed. Wow. Yes, it was hard for me to admit that, let alone write it for you guys to see. I'm a little more things, but not ready to share all of that. So yes, I have alot of things to work on this upcoming year. I'm going to look at it as a challenge and try to grow to be someone who is secure in herself and loves herself completely.
Something else, I told you earlier that I'm adopted, well when I went to search for my records I was told that they were "misplaced" and that was 7 years ago atleast. Well doing some internet research on my hospital and discovered that the YMCA ran the hospitals so they have documentation on file seperate from those that the hospital would have kept. It might not be everything, but its something. I already have a slight history of my birth mother because they found a letter that the county wrote to my pediatrician to give them some history about my family, so I know that I have 3 siblings (1 bro or sis and a set of twins) who I would love to meet. Anyways, I filled out the request form so I shall see what happens.
Well I hope you had a good holiday and hopefully you will have a good new year. Gonna go and meditate to try to get in touch with this new me.
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